


Orange Like The Setting Sun

by Dirade



Series: Stealing color ( rainbow of secrets ) [2]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blood, Blow Jobs, Eating Disorders, Hand Jobs, M/M, Public Blow Jobs, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Scars, Slut Shaming, only slight eating disorders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-04
Updated: 2014-07-04
Packaged: 2018-02-07 09:26:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1893867
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dirade/pseuds/Dirade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aftermath of Levi's raping of Armin Arlert. Armin forgives Levi for all he has done.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Orange Like The Setting Sun

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place about a week or so after 'Red Like My Shattered Heart'. I actually change tenses accidentally in my writing and I'm too lazy to fix it, so please bear with me on any grammar, spelling, or tense mistakes.

Orange is the color of the sun just when it is about to set.  
Orange is the color of the carrots that the cadets feed their horses.  
Orange is the color of the flowers that grow near the bunks.  
Orange is the color of Armin’s blood on sheets.  
Orange is the color of Levi breaking him open, orange is the color that is close but doesn’t quite mean stop, orange is the color Armin saw behind his eyelids when Levi wouldn't stop, orange is the color of the marks left on his body from the bondage, orange is the color he sees when he turns too fast, flinching away from his friends, orange is -

Armin doesn’t realize he’s hyperventilating until he hears Eren’s voice, layered with saccharine concern. “Armin. Armin! Are you okay? You look kinda pale … “ Armin shakes his head rapidly, a throbbing starting behind his eyes.

“I’m fine! I’m okay, I just … I just was just thinking.” Armin let the excuse fall easily from his lips, already trained to lie effortlessly and without thought. 

“What were you thinking about?” Eren asks innocently. 

‘Oh, nothing much. Just thinking about how our commanding officer raped me and I can't do anything about it. Who would believe me over him?’ Armin thinks, but doesn't say anything more than, “I dunno. I kinda forgot.” Followed by a short, hollow laugh.

He can feel Mikasa’s eyes burning into the back of his skull. He doesn't know how much she’s figured out, but he’s not going to ask her. He’s not going to share how he was too weak to fight, too weak to do anything but cry. It’s the last shred of dignity he has, and he clings to it, keeping his secret buried deep under laughs and smiles and excuses.

Time ticks on and soon it’s time for lunch. Armin follows Eren and Mikasa to the dining hall, glancing over his shoulder every few steps to make sure Levi hasn't appeared. He won’t admit it even to himself, but he’s scared of him. His breathing quickens, his heart races; just as it did before. Just like when they were … in love. But did Levi ever love him? Was he just a fun sex toy he could discard at any time? Did he think about Armin as much as Armin thought about him? Part of Armin hoped he did. Part of him still craved Levi’s touch, his approval, his love. 

They get their allotted food and sit down at a long table with the rest of the 104th, loud speech and the clink of silverware filling the air. Armin feels safe. Levi wouldn't dare touch him in front of this many people. Armin is protected by the presence of his friends.

But that doesn't stop the wave of fear that threatens to drown him when he sees Levi walk into the dining hall, his ever stoic expression pasted on his face. Armin had been one of the few who got to see past that facade, and he longs to see past it again, but he can't let himself think that, he can’t let himself want that, but he does, he does, he does. 

Levi starts to walk toward their table, catching Armin’s eyes for only an instant before Armin looks away, staring at the bread on his plate. He still sees the malicious grin that passes over the corporal’s face. 

Armin is not hungry. This is the usual state of things; ever since that night Armin hasn't had an appetite, hasn't eaten more than a few bites of food each day. He’s losing weight, muscle deteriorating from his already frail frame. It isn’t good, makes it harder to train, makes his head spin. He knows he should be eating more, but he can't force himself to put anything inside his filthy, filthy body. He still feels filthy, no matter how many showers he takes, no matter how hard he scrubs. Maybe that feeling will never go away. Maybe Armin will never be able to love someone the way he loved Levi. Maybe it was his fate to be alone and frightened. Maybe - 

“Sir!” People around him are standing, curling fists over their hearts and Armin doesn't know why until he hears an all too familiar voice. 

“Sit down, brats.” The soldiers obey Corporal Levi, seating themselves and slowly resuming normal conversation, parting around their superior like water around a boulder. Armin can feel his presence behind him, and when he speaks he flinches, breath hitching in his throat. “Arlert. Come with me.”

Armin doesn't want to listen, he doesn't want to be alone with him, he doesn't want to be hurt again, he doesn't want to go. But he does. He can't make a scene, not here, not now. They aren't truly alone yet, so he can't do anything too bad, right? And that same twisted part of him wants Levi to apologize, to kiss him and say he’s sorry and let them go back to the way things were before. Part of him wants desperately to be loved again.

As they head into the adjoining hallway, Armin almost doesn't hear the second set of footsteps behind them, but when he turns he finds Mikasa, silently following the two of them out of the dining hall. They stop just out of view of the other soldiers, and Levi whirls on the two of them with cold, calculating eyes. “Ackerman. What do you need?”

Mikasa salutes him, raising her chin and staring down at the shorter male. “Nothing, sir.”

“Then why are you here?” He asks venomously. 

“For Armin, sir.”

Levi pauses, processing this. “You can have him later. He’ll be back before the end of lunch. Now leave us.”

“I’m afraid I can't do that, sir.” Mikasa doesn't falter in her stance, but her eyes flash with something Armin can't quite identify. 

“Soldier Ackerman, that is an order. Leave us be.” They stare into each other’s eyes, and Armin wonders who will look away first. Neither does.

“No.”

Levi is silent. “Are you disobeying my order, soldier?” The words are low and dangerous ( just like when Levi had claimed him, just like when he’d whispered the word ‘mine’ into Armin’s ear ). 

Armin tugged on Mikasa’s sleeve, momentarily pulling her away from Levi’s prying gaze. “Mikasa, I’ll be fine. I mean, this is Levi we’re-”

“I don't know what he did to you.” Mikasa interrupted, grabbing on to Armin’s shoulder. “But I’m not going to let him do it again.” Armin truly appreciated Mikasa’s concern, but this was something he could handle on his own. He didn't need to drag others down with him.

“Listen, Mikasa.” Armin’s mind raced for an excuse, anything to get her to leave well enough alone. Whatever happened, it would be made worse if Mikase didn't just go away. “I professed my love for him and he rejected me, that’s all. That’s why I’ve been avoiding him. That’s all it is. “

“Is that why you haven't been eating recently?”

“Yes! Yes, and he’s probably just going to make me clean the courtyard or something, so I’m fine, Mikasa. Really. “

She looked at him skeptically. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’ll be fine. I promise.” The lie tasted bitter on his tongue.

Mikasa shot another glare at Levi before stalking off, wrapping her scarf more securely around her neck. She didn't look back.

When she was out of sight Armin felt hot breath on his neck, and he flinched, his eyes clenching shut as scorching lips find their way to his neck. He trembles just barely under the touch, the hand roaming across his concave stomach.

“So you've been starving yourself, eh? You really shouldn't do that, Arlert. Could mess with your training.”

The emotions boiling inside him bubbled over, clearing away his normally timid physique to that of just barely suppressed anger. “If you’re going to do something just do it.” He growled, turning to face his commanding officer. 

“Oh, feisty, aren't you?” Levi grinned, a cheshire showing of teeth. His long, slender fingers knotted in Armin’s golden hair, pulling and forcing the younger boy to bare his neck. Levi kissed the pale column of his throat, biting the juncture between neck and shoulder softly. Armin shuddered, his breath catching. “I still love you, you know.” The words were sudden and Armin froze, his breathing stopped completely. 

Armin pushed Levi away, his hands trembling as he does so. “You can't … you can't do this to me. One minute there and the next minute…” ‘raping me’. But he doesn't say it, too scared or too tired. “I can't love you anymore. Not after … not after … “ Not after that night, not after Levi had ignored his pleas, not after he’d taken so much from him; his pride, his virginity, his heart.

Levi’s steel eyes, eyes he had once loved, eyes that had looked at him so tenderly, met his blue ones. “But you do, don't you?” Levi asked knowingly. Armin doesn't know why he nods. Levi is close, so close that Armin can count his eyelashes, so close he can feel his warm breath. “I’m sorry, Armin. I didn't mean to hurt you. “ Armin can't look at him, but his heart swells almost painfully. This is exactly how he pictured it in every fantasy he’s had since that night. Levi, still in love with him, truly sorry for what he had done, assuring Armin it would never happen again. And he wanted so desperately to be loved, to feel that again and when he’d lost it he’d lost a part of himself and Levi was the only thing that could fill the hole he’d left behind. “Can you forgive me, sweetheart?” That voice; so kind and gentle, so different from that night. It was like they weren’t even the same person. Maybe if Armin thought about it that way it wouldn't hurt as much.

Levi’s hand caressed Armin’s face, drawing him in close for a barely there brushing of lips. He   
just wanted to be loved, he just wanted Levi to love him, he knew it was wrong but he wanted it so badly that he couldn't think straight. But still; Levi had hurt him. Levi was stronger, faster, had more power than Armin in the government. He could snap again, break Armin again at any given time and Armin wouldn't be able to do anything about it. Could he trust that?

“I- I’m not sure, sir.”

“Let’s test it, then.” Armin doesn't know what Levi means until he’s forced to his knees, Levi pressing on his shoulders. Levi’s cock is out before Armin knows what happening, and the hand tangled in his hair pushes his head forward, until his lips are brushing the pale foreskin. “Suck.”

Armin jerks his head backward, not enough to dislodge Levi’s hand but enough to get away, to not have that bitter taste on his lips. “No!” Not again, not again, he can't let himself fall in love again, submit again, can't let this happen again.

Levi forces Armin’s head back to the previous position. “That’s an order, Arlert. Suck.” Levi doesn't love him, this isn’t love, this isn't what Armin wants. The blonde shakes his head frantically, his hair tugging painfully on his skull. Levi pinches his nose shut and suddenly Armin can't breath and his lungs are burning and he has to open his lips but he doesn't want to, he doesn't want to, but he needs oxygen and struggling is futile. When he at last opens his lips, Levi’s cock is shoved inside him, making him choke as Levi releases his nose and finally Armin can breath again. He doesn't want to bite down because, for all Levi’s done to him, he still loves him, still doesn't want to hurt him. So he sucks, the same as he used to, with the same love and care and earnest effort. “That’s a good boy.” He hears the words as if from a distance, garbled through deep water. When he feels Levi’s thighs tremble, he swallows him completely, his gag reflex weakened from this very activity. When Levi’s seed spills down his throat Armin swallows, maybe because that’s what he’s used to doing, maybe because he just wants to taste Levi again, to know that some of the other is inside himself.

Levi tells him to stand up and Armin does, only now aware of the ache in his own groin, used to reacting like this when Levi is around, when Armin is on his knees before his superior. “You’ve had your fun, sir. Please let me leave. “ Levi just smiles that same, sharp toothed smile.

“But you haven't had your fun yet.” He palms Armin’s groin and the younger boy bites back a moan at the gentle contact, sending waves of pleasure up his body. “Look at you, getting hard just from sucking me off. You’re such a slut, Armin.” He purrs, the sound echoing in Armin’s ear.

“D-don't call me that.” His voice sounds weak as he says it.

“Sorry, baby. Just slipped out.” That low, seductive voice doesn't sound sorry, and the way Levi kisses his neck doesn't feel sorry, and Armin knows Levi isn't sorry but forgives him anyway. “Please forgive me. I can make you feel good. I promise.” He whispers against Armin’s neck. His hands are pulling Armin’s pants down, taking his cock from confinement and stroking him to full hardness. Armin shakes under the touches, biting back the noises that threaten to spill from his lips.

“L- Levi… someone will see-”

Levi silences him with a kiss. Armin’s orgasm approaches within minutes, and his groan is muffled by Levi’s lips against his own. Levi tucks Armin back into his pants, holding his semen soaked fingers in front of Armin’s face. “Clean it.” Armin does, licking the bitter taste from his commander’s slender digits. “Do you forgive me yet?”

Armin can't resist those steely eyes, he can't resist that jet black hair, he can't resist Levi no matter how hard he tries. He wants to be loved by him. He will always want to be loved by him. “Yes.” Armin finally says. “I forgive you.” They seal the deal with a kiss.

 

That night Armin is summoned to the corporal’s quarters. When he arrives, Levi opens the door to a candlelit room and a bottle of wine. Although Armin doesn't like the taste of it, he drinks it anyway, because it dulls the doubt in his heart.

When Levi speaks Armin almost drops his wine glass. “Tonight we’ll do whatever you want. Your wish is my command.” Armin wonders if Levi’s ever said this to someone else. 

Even though Armin would like nothing more than to cuddle and have Levi whisper assurances to him, he knows Levi’s words were pertaining to sex. He knows Levi wants sex. And even though tonight is his night ( just like how that night was Levi’s so long ago ), he does what Levi wants. Armin asks for slow, passionate intimacy. Levi concedes, letting Armin ride him because he’s still afraid of being held down, of being trapped again. It is everything Armin had imagined it would be. Afterward they cuddle and finish the bottle of wine ( mostly Levi finishes the bottle of wine ), and Armin’s heart is so full of love and relief it could burst. Levi only calls him a whore once, and this time Armin doesn't correct him. Neither mentions the scar that spells out Levi’s name, stretched across his stomach.

When Armin heads back to the boy’s bunks he feels lighter than ever, and, for the first time in days, he feels clean. He feels new. He feels madly, deeply in love.

He does not notice Mikasa’s watchful eyes.

**Author's Note:**

> So, there you have it. The only known record of Armin being an idiot. Let us pray for his survival. In the mean time, stay tuned for the next installment!


End file.
